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Top Takeaways
- The first step to detoxing negative self-talk is by identifying whether you are stuck in a pattern, or committed to being in a practice.
- Part of being confident and being in a confidence conversation is identifying what patterns you are locked in that are stunting the life that you want.
- In order to stop negative patterns, Susan encourages generating loving practices that will move you out of the unhealthy patterns.
- Thoughts can produce physical reactions in the body, so it is extremely important to learn how to think positively.
- We sit in one of two spaces with respect to power, power over and power with.
- An authentic presence and confidence is really when you’re in a space where you’re relating to the things and circumstances in your life from a power with perspective.
- Susan created the Confident Woman Program centered on the confidence flow model, which is based around the fact that part of a woman’s power is cycle, being cyclical beings and knowing inherently how to flow.
- The confidence flow model is about allowing confidence to flow, accepting insecurities, and focusing instead on moving in the direction of feel good life.
- By identifying your default emotion and default internal conversation, you can begin to look at it instead of believe you are it.
- Susan provides people with the tools and tips for woman to participate confidently in conversation, which ultimately leads to people having fun through confidence.
- Giving yourself permission to take risks or make mistakes, while also giving yourself permission to have a moment where you fall out of positive practice, will allow growth towards your goals.
- Mindset is extremely important in reaching your goals, and giving yourself permission to share your mindset with others can help make your goals a reality.
- In being the creator of your environment, you need to assess whether or not a situation feels good, because everyone deserves to feel good.
- Part of confidence is knowing that it’s your intention to create and environment that feels good.
- During arguments or moments that you feel are not right, it takes confidence to acknowledge that you don’t know why things are not right, but are committed to being in a conversation that is uncomfortable to solve the issue.
- Susan talks about the need to have an anchor, a goal and a personal vision that you can always ground yourself in during times that waver from the normal path.
- It is important to remember that when things happen in life, they are not happening to you, they are just happening, and awareness of your first reactions to a situation can keep you in a power with.
- Susan’s Confident Woman Program is not about fixing deficiencies, but instead is about moving people to the next level in their lives.
- The Confident Woman Program has 12 weekly webinars that follow the confidence flow model, and provide you tools and practices that you can integrate.
- Susan will give you 52 weeks of audio affirmations, and audio lessons, so that for 15 minutes a week, you will be reminded gently, and lovingly to be in your own confidence conversation.
- To sign up for Susan Leahy’s Confidence Woman Program Click Here!
Wendy Myers: Hello. My name is Wendy Myers, welcome to the Myers detox podcast. You’re listening to this podcast to learn about heavy metal detoxification, emotional detox as well, and you can learn more about that at myersdetox.com.
Wendy Myers: Today, we have a show about how to emotionally detox per se, how to be more confident woman, how to really work on your mindset and communicate that mindset, infuse that mindset into your professional work, your personal life, into your relationships with your spouse, your partner, your children, your friendships, and really how to be a more positive confident woman and bring more joy into your life.
Wendy Myers: Bottom line, it’s a choice. But it’s also a skill set that one needs to learn, and implement and practice. It’s a confidence, and joy or practice. And my friend, Susan Leahy is coming on the show today to talk exactly about that, how to be a more confident woman.
Wendy Myers: So if you’re listening to this show, you probably want to learn more about heavy metal detoxification and chemical detoxification because they dramatically impact our health. Heavy metals, and chemicals, toxins are the number one primary driver of disease today. So, if you want to learn more about your risk for heavy metal toxicity, and its impact on your health, please go to metals.quiz.com. Take this two minute quiz to learn about your potential levels of heavy metals.
Wendy Myers: Toxic metals are one of the biggest contributors to fatigue. My name is Wendy Myers, and in my deck of research, I have discovered that toxic metals affect mitochondrial performance. Your mitochondria are little cells, powerhouses that make your body’s energy and toxic metals like arsenic, aluminum, thallium and cesium, those poison enzymes that produce energy in your body.
Wendy Myers: These toxic metals are found in your air, food and water. They’re everywhere, and they’re unavoidable in our environment today. Everyone has them in their body, but the question is, what metals do you have and at what levels? Click the link below to take my quiz to evaluate your level of heavy metal toxicity.
Wendy Myers: So my guest today is Susan Leahy, she is an MA and CSP. She’s a co founder of Group to TEAM Leadership Solutions Incorporated, a global consulting and training company that generates a culture of team by re empowering the individual. Susan is also the Creator of the confident woman program.
Wendy Myers: For a full disclosure, Susan happens to be a long time personal friend, and I’m generally excited to have her on the podcast today, because I love her and I believe in her work. Susan is a powerful, motivated, and fun woman and I know you’ll enjoy today’s unique perspective about healing prosperities of confidence. You can learn more about Susan at confidentwomanprogram.com.
Wendy Myers: Susan, thanks so much for coming on the show.
Susan Leahy: Oh, Wendy Myers. I’m super excited to be here. Thank you, for having me.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. So, Susan and I have been friends for a very long time. You’re an amazing speaker, and I’m so happy to have you back on the podcast, because you have an amazing new program called the confident woman program, and I just love talking to you.
Wendy Myers: call you for just life advice, and relationship advice and you always have such positive healthy, amazing things to say. And so, I love that you have this confident woman program to help women become more confident, and feel more empowered.
Wendy Myers: So, we became really good friends because we both had parents who had passed, and this is really a formative experience because the death of my father motivated me to start the myersdetox.com, and can you share a little bit about your mother’s death, and how that it’s kind of affected the work that you’re doing now?
Susan Leahy: And I have to tell, and before I go into this, this is what a good friend Wendy’s been to me that, when my mom passed away, sometimes people don’t know how to talk about death, and kind of friends can fall away a little bit.
Susan Leahy: And when I lost my mother, I kind of went into a hole, and Wendy, you and one other person, one other friend just kept consistently calling me and that’s still so lives in my heart. Just you reaching out, and it wasn’t about anything other than just checking in and saying, “Hey, I’m still here.” And that still continues to be such a source of joy for me.
Susan Leahy: And I think that that experience for me, with my mother’s death and really learning about, we all bump into our own mortality and that sense of, how am I relating to myself while I’m here on this planet? And when you have a parent die, or a friend die or someone pass, you start thinking about the way you’re interacting with your own life.
Susan Leahy: And the one thing that my mom really taught me in her life was that, she was the creator of her joy. And sometimes I didn’t understand that because even in the middle of her disease, she was still able to own, maintain and be the creator of her joy.
Susan Leahy: I thought that was so fascinating, because you see a lot of people when they get sick, and you see a lot of people when they’re well, not able to maintain their own joy. And what I found is that, that really was the fact that my mom was a confident, truly confident loving, brave, beautiful woman and I wanted to just explore that conversation. And that’s so much what this conversation is about is, how do I have a conversation with myself that will help me maintain my joy?
Wendy Myers: Yes. Yes, and that’s such a good conversation to have. Because I think so many people feel like they’re a victim of their emotions, or that they are passively experiencing their thoughts de jure, their thoughts at the moment. And I think it’s really important to talk about detoxing negative thoughts. Because I think our brain can kind of default to looking at problems in our environment to solve them and try to survive.
Wendy Myers: It’s a very evolutionary type mechanism that our brains can default to, and we have to consciously work to override that. So, what are some of your thoughts on negative self talk as a form of toxicity, and how can we start detoxing those negative thoughts?
Susan Leahy: Right. Well, digitally, I think everyone’s looking for help, right? They’ve this idea, I’ve got to find the thing that’s going to make me healthy. And what’s interesting is, I think we all kind of keep coming back to that space of, well, it’s here. It starts here. It starts here. And it’s what you’re saying yourself here, and what implants itself here and how you’re relating to yourself here that affects your health out there.
Susan Leahy: And so, I think that sense of, how do you detox the negative self talk? The two words that I would put in front of you is that, we need to start identifying, am I stuck in a pattern or am I committed to being in a practice?
Susan Leahy: Now, some of our patterns service. So, patterns aren’t negative, they’re actually really normal. If I didn’t have a certain number of patterns during the day, I’d have to think about everything and it would take me a million years to get everything done.
Susan Leahy: So pattern service, but there are some patterns that we’re stuck in that are not producing the results we want in our life. And so, part of being confident and being in the confidence conversation is identifying, what patterns am I locked in? What patterns am I locked in with food? What patterns am I locked in with my thinking? What patterns am I … What patterns am I locked in that are keeping me kind of stunted, and creating the life I want?
Susan Leahy: And when you identify those patterns, it’s not about fixing the pattern because that’s where a lot of the negative self talk get stuck, is that women feel like they have to fix themselves or there’s a problem that is broken. I’m broken.
Susan Leahy: And so, we’re actually still focusing on the problem or the pattern. So, our goal is to really insert practices, how do we generate loving practices that are going to move me out of those unhealthy patterns, and start really propelling me towards the life that I want to create, towards the emotion that I want to feel, towards the love that I want to generate?
Susan Leahy: And so, those two words are really important to me, Wendy. It’s like, am I stuck in a pattern, and if I am, how can I insert a practice that will support me to move forward?
Wendy Myers: Yeah, I think that’s so important to really be aware of. That our thoughts produce this physical reaction in our body, and so, you can be thinking negative stuff, why me? Why do I have this health issue? What’s like, of course, this happen?
Wendy Myers: And so, you can start producing these inflammatory cytokines in your body, or you can also visualize healing in your body, and visualize that you’re going to feel better or you’re going to have more energy and not produce as a physiological response in your body that science shows can heal disease.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: Can produce a positive response in the body and so, it’s really important to really work on mindset, and really work on your thoughts and not controlling, but just being mindful of how you’re thinking, how you’re talking to yourself. Because it will have a huge effect on, not only your emotional life, but your physical health as well.
Wendy Myers: So, let’s talk about healthy confidence, because people can have like a egotistical, like “Yeah, I’m the bomb.” Some people can be very egotistical about themselves. But like, what is healthy confidence? What does that feel like?
Susan Leahy: Right. Well, first of all, healthy confidence feels good, right? The sense of, I deserve to feel good. And it feels good when I’m in a community where I’m enrolling other people and feeling good.
Susan Leahy: Now, we also talk about in the program two different types of power. And I think that the unhealthy identified ways that we see confidence, we think people manifest confidence, is if I sit a certain way, if I project a certain image, if I act a certain way, and all the while internally, I’m feeling really insecure.
Susan Leahy: And there’s a power … We’re sitting in one of two spaces with respect to how we relate to power, and one of these spaces is, I’m in this power over struggle. Have you ever been in a relationship, Wendy, when you’re kind of in a power struggle with someone that you’re in relationship with?
Wendy Myers: Never.
Susan Leahy: Never. I can confidently ask that question. I have some power over you right now. All right, No, but lovingly, like, we’ve all been there, right? You’ve been in that relationship where you’ve had power struggle. I’ve been in relationship where there’s been this power struggle, and the power struggle is inherently because we are stuck in a power over way of thinking.
Susan Leahy: So, even when you think of disease, oh, this disease has power over me. So, somehow you become the victim to whatever it is that you’re experiencing. And so, you’re struggling to fight with it, rather than moving over to the other side. And to me, this is the fun work. It’s, am I in a power over paradigm, or am I in a power with paradigm?
Susan Leahy: The reality is, whatever you’re sitting in right now is not against you. It’s for you. It’s a part of your creation, it’s a part of your life, it’s a part of the tapestry of who you get to be on this planet, and what you get to experience. And if you can create a relationship that’s built with power with, rather than power over, then all of a sudden, that level of confidence feels so different.
Susan Leahy: Because over here, we might try to project confidence, but it’s really rooted in insecurity. The authentic presence, and confidence is really when you’re in a space where you’re relating to the things, and circumstances in your life from a power with perspective.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, and it can be so easy to I think, get caught up in negative self talk and then, kind of like you’re in a social situation, you’re having to project confidence, and it doesn’t feel authentic and then, you’re insecure about that.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: And it’s just like, I don’t know. It’s really important to have the skill set to like how, because no one’s really teaches us this stuff like, how to be confident. Let’s say like your mom, maybe. But how to be an authentically competent person.
Wendy Myers: It’s an absolute skill set, and it’s a practice that you have to, and kind of learn new skills and then practice them. Which is why I’m so excited why you created this course.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: Because I felt like you took all of your just amazing kind of perspective, and kind of a long history of learning all these things, and putting them into a course, where I want to take this course. Because I love talking to you, and getting your advice, and it’s great. It’s like in a course in a structured manner, which is great.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: So, part of the course is that confidence flow model.
Susan Leahy: Yes.
Wendy Myers: How can women listening right now use this to support themselves so that they can be more confident and live a healthier life?
Susan Leahy: Well, I want to first say, I intentionally named it the confidence flow model, because I want to put our period friends center. We need to talk about a woman’s flow. Part of our power is our cycle. Part of our power is that we are cyclical beings. The sense that we as women, we know inherently how to flow. We understand this as a way of being.
Susan Leahy: And so, confidence first and foremost, confidence is not something that you have to find. Confidence is something you have to allow. So it’s already in you, and what’s so fascinating is, if you hear group of women talk, it’s like, almost more acceptable for everybody to talk about how insecure they feel, and how silly they feel, and how dumb they feel, and how, whatever.
Susan Leahy: There’s a sense of like, there’s this social acceptance for people to talk about their insecurities, and it’s like, we didn’t have to go find our insecurities. They’re already there, right?
Susan Leahy: So what if your insecurities are just the other side of your confidence? So, instead of trying to, and I do this kind of because I’m a whole person. It’s my entire heart, and what’s inside my heart are my insecurities, and my confidence, and they sit side by side and that’s what makes me great. And I want to have the capacity on this planet to feel it all, to dance with it all, to be able to be okay with it all.
Susan Leahy: I don’t want to deny my insecurities, and try to fix them because then, I’m spending a whole lot of time focusing on them. I just want to know that they’re there, and then move in the direction of really living a life that’s feeling good. And that’s really about me, allowing my confidence to flow.
Susan Leahy: And so, the confidence flow model is the way that I relate to letting the confidence flow from me. And I’m hoping, and I’ll tell you, for me, the confident women program is not me telling women how to be confident, because you can’t do that.
Susan Leahy: Now, women have to be on this journey for themselves. So really, the confident woman program is just my conversation, and I’m delivering it as an invitation for women to think more intentionally about their conversation.
Susan Leahy: And so, the confidence flow model starts with conversation. What is the internal conversation that you’re having with yourself? What are you saying yourself? How are you validating yourself? What’s the default emotion?
Susan Leahy: I’ll tell you what my default emotion is, is angry Alice. When I’m as happy as I could be in this confidence, I want to be, when I’m tickled by my insecurities, which sometimes I am, angry Alice becomes the conversation in my head. And she takes …
Susan Leahy: So, it’s identifying what’s your default emotion, and what’s your default conversation? So that you can start looking at it, instead of believing you are it. I’m not angry Alice. She just comes out sometimes. And so, the conversation is a really important piece, because the conversation controls this next level, which is personal permission.
Susan Leahy: So, what level of permission are you giving yourself when you walk into a room, when you engage in a conversation, when you have something to share? This level of permission is either keeping your hand down, keeping your mouth shut, keeping you kind of feeling a little bit like you can’t really be in this space, or are you giving yourself permission? It’s that personal permission, and after that, your permission affects your level of participation. Know how you can actually engage.
Susan Leahy: And we want to think about our level of participation related to the power structure we talked about, am I participating in the world with a power over paradigm? I’m going to arm wrestle my way through every conversation and be beat everybody because I’m right. Or I’m going to be in competition. Or I’m going to be like, “No, I’m here to create a certain type of energy.” So, how I participate at an energetic level, it really exudes confidence.
Susan Leahy: So these levels, how it flows. And then ultimately, once I play with this area of participation, and we get into a lot around confident public speaking here, how do we present ourselves? The number one fear in the nation before death and spiders is public speaking.
Susan Leahy: So, giving people some tools and tips to support them in how they can participate confidently in conversations. And then ultimately, that affects the impact that you’re having on the planet, and what kind of impact that you want, and where it all leads to? And this is the big word for me, is fun.
Susan Leahy: That confidence is actually fun, and that your life should feel fun, and that your relationship should feel fun, and that love should feel fun, and that confidence … Well, gosh, confidence is fun. So, it’s about increasing your level of real authentic fun, sustainable fun that you’re having in your life.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, and I think it’s so important to choose how we’re going to show up like in the world, in our work, in our relationships with our children. And it’s so nice to know that we’re not the victims to this horrible inner voice that can really be just so, so mean.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: And then we can override that, and just show up in a different way, and really shine our light because I mean, have you ever met those people where you walk into a room, and you just see someone with a smile on their face, and they’re generally happy. You just are attracted to them?
Susan Leahy: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Wendy Myers: And those people are attracting more things into their life …
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: … and then make them more, and more, and more confident, and more, and more happy, and more, and more joy. It’s like you can choose to kind of show up in the way that you choose, and the way that you want.
Susan Leahy: Yeah, and I am the chooser, and I was like…
Wendy Myers: Yes.
Susan Leahy: … the one of the things I do with my kids every morning, we have what we call, and we do this in the confident woman program as well is that, we have our family mantra, which is our family anchor. And so, every morning I ask my kids, they’re five and seven. I’m like, “Okay, so, what’s our family anchor?” And they’ll say, “Healthy, wealthy, happy and fun.”
Susan Leahy: And they’re five, and seven, and so, it’s that sense of … oh, I lied. They’re seven and nine now,” where did that happen. But seven, and nine, and they’ve been doing it since they were three years old, and they get this, that they are the choosers. And so, I’ll ask them, I’ll say, “Okay, so well, this is our mantra. What are you choosing today?” And some days they’ll focus on, “I’m choosing healthy. I’m choosing wealthy, I’m choosing fun.”
Susan Leahy: And at that point that I am the chooser, that I am the creator, and I was talking to a woman the other day, and she’s got four boys, her youngest has autism. And she works a full time job. Her husband works nights, and she is pushed to the brink. And I asked her, “Well, what do you want? What do you want?” And she just kind of paused, and she said, “I don’t think I’ve thought about that question in years.”
Susan Leahy: And I think that this is what women do is, is that it’s insidious, and all of us as women are at this level at some degree in our lives, where we’re not asking ourselves like, W”hat do I want? What do I want related to my health? What do I want related to the kind of life I’m creating? What do I want to think? What do I want to feel? What do I want to create? What do I want to play in? What do I want?”
Susan Leahy: And it takes confidence to ask that question, and to just let yourself without excuses, without explanation, just stand purely and, we’ll what do I want? I want to have fun, I want to be in creation, I want to be playful. I want to create connections with amazing women.
Susan Leahy: I want my voice to change the world. I want people to feel inspired, and in my presence. And can we create that space for ourselves so that we can stand more boldly in what it is that we want? And that is rooted in the conversation. So, we do a lot of asking ourselves, what do you want? What do you want?
Wendy Myers: And you have to know where you want in order to get there, in order to create the steps to get what you want.
Susan Leahy: But let me just say this too, Wendy. I think that a lot of times people are creating at the level of the physical, I want a cell phone, I want a new cell phone, I want a new car. But it’s that question of, well, what’s the quality of experience? What do you want to think? What do you want to feel? What do you really want to generate?
Susan Leahy: And then, really, level in, well, what do you want? And the manifestation isn’t a bad thing. The cell phone is not a bad thing, buying a car isn’t a bad thing but there is something before that.
Wendy Myers: Yes. Yeah, because I mean, you can show up to work and just be kind of like, ho, hum, and kind of being a blob mood, and eat your lunch.
Wendy Myers: Or you could show up, and be happy, and be joking with your coworker and be super positive in the meetings. Like you can choose to show up in a different way to make your life richer, and attract more of what you want to you.
Susan Leahy: Because this is what I think the dichotomy is, we think it’s either be a blob or be happy.
Wendy Myers: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Susan Leahy: Right? But what if it’s just being bold enough to be able to state what you want? You know what? I want more energy in my day, I want to have more fun, I want to be more playful. So, it doesn’t mean you have to just all of a sudden become it. It’s that, it’ll happen more authentically if you own that, that’s what you want.
Wendy Myers: Yes. Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Susan Leahy: Right? And you’re wanting it in the energy of power with rather than power over.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Susan Leahy: Because if you’re wanting to have fun, and you’re in power over then, I can’t have fun because I have a full time job. I can’t have fun, because I have to drive in this traffic every day. Because something has power over you, which is being the reason for why you can’t manifest or create the quality of experience that you want.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, and it’s so easy to fall into that victim mentality. Like, I can’t be happy because of this, or I’m in a bad mood because of that, and you just … And it’s so many people fall into that trap almost, where they just don’t have the mindset they need to have to enjoy their life.
Susan Leahy: Yeah. And so, and just to call myself out, because none of this work is about trying to stand up in front of anybody, and say that I’m perfect and I’m already there. Part of my commitment is letting everyone know that I’m in this conversation, and it’s a committed conversation, and there’s sometimes I fall off of my commitment.
Susan Leahy: And last night, my husband and I have a whole lot of life together as you know, we moved down to Mexico and kind of reorganized our entire life. And sometimes, things aren’t running as smoothly as maybe we would like them to, and being in a foreign country when it’s not all planned out, maybe kind of creates a little bit more stress. But I can’t let that have power over me.
Susan Leahy: But last night, man, my husband and I, we got into this kind of very victim me conversation about what wasn’t working. And the two of us went to bed, and promptly woke up at three in the morning, just kind of like, Huh. And so for me, it’s owning that you’re going to have moments of wobble, and you’re not failing when you do.
Susan Leahy: And that’s really important, and so it’s like, okay, so, you’re going to have moments of wobble when in your confidence, and you’re going to go back, and you’re going to experience this side of your heart, which is the insecurity. But how do you acknowledge that as the wobble and say, “Oops, a part of me was wobbling yesterday, but that’s not all of me. And I’m committed to the practice of being in the empowered conversation.”
Susan Leahy: So again, not getting mad at yourself because you get stuck in a pattern, but really, allowing yourself the grace to move to the other side of what I call the continuum of your life, and move over to that generous space where you’re having a conversation that actually feels good. Where you’re having a conversation for possibility rather than no possibility, right?
Susan Leahy: Because, boy, I call it balloon popping. We could do, “Well, how’s that going to work? Well, how’s that gonna work?” And we’re just like, we pop all the balloons we try to launch, and we never get to really enjoy just launching the ideas.
Wendy Myers: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, and that’s so important talking about how in the ebb and flow, it’s normal to have the ebb and flow in your mood and in your confidence, but that the lows help you experience the highs, and you’re feeling really, really good. You can have it, you’re far more appreciation for that when you’ve had to have the lows and not felt so great.
Susan Leahy: Well, and we have to give ourselves permission. This is why permission is so important, because we’re not giving ourselves permission. We’re basically kind of crucifying ourselves, and judging ourselves, and blaming ourselves and criticizing ourselves.
Susan Leahy: It’s the exact opposite. You really just want to give yourself permission to have that moment where you’ve just fallen out of your practice. And then, okay, I give myself permission to get back into my practice. Because this isn’t about perfection, and I think this is an interesting time to maybe bring up this, because I think a lot of women struggle with this, and need to get it right.
Susan Leahy: A lot of women struggle with needing to be perfectionists, or are being perfectionist. We’ve got a lot on our plates, we’re trying to get it all done and we’re trying to get it all done right. And there was a study at the Harvard Business School where the women in the business class, they were actually, they were testing as high as the men. So, they were getting as good of grades on the tests as the men, but they were grading lower than the men in the class.
Susan Leahy: And it was interesting, because they sent in a bunch of researchers to figure out what was going on and what they found out is that, 50% of the class grade was based on participation, right? And women were not giving themselves permission to raise their hand. And the only reason that was different, and this is what they found is that, women were more likely to raise their hand if they knew, they knew the answer.
Susan Leahy: So, okay, I’ll get involved. I’ll speak up if I know I’m right. If I know I have the answer, where men give themselves permission at a different level. They would raise their hand if they thought they knew the answer. Like, I don’t think I know it. Okay, well, I’ll put it out there. And so, this very different level of permission that men and women give or grant themselves has a fundamental impact on how we participate, and then the impact that we have, and then the fun that we get to create.
Susan Leahy: And so, this is really insidious, because a lot of this has been passed down in the paradigm that we’ve been living in for years. Women have not been given permission in a lot of ways. And so, part of what we talk about in a confident woman program is, don’t play the game the way the game has been created, because the game is inherently one that women, or it wasn’t designed for women to win.
Susan Leahy: So, I have to give myself a different level of permission with respect to, what it is that I want to generate? What it is that I want to create within my families, within my office, relationships in my work life? And that piece of permission is one that we do a lot of exploration on.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, and I love that we’re talking about this, because the big theme for me right now is mindset, really trying to show up and really enjoy my day, enjoy my daughter, enjoy my relationship, enjoy my work. There can be nitpicky things that are irritating, and when you’re working, and working with a team of people, and you can be stressful and whatnot. But I’m trying to just enjoy as much as I can, and have a lot of gratitude.
Wendy Myers: And so, that’s why I wanted to do this show with you, because a lot of people also, they really need to be mindful, and intentional in how they’re showing up in the world.
Susan Leahy: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Wendy Myers: Because, this life is so short. I mean, I cannot believe that I am going to be 47 this year, and I want to enjoy the rest …
Susan Leahy: Enjoy.
Wendy Myers: … of my life.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: I deserve to enjoy my life and be happy. And so, I want to have this show to help other people tap into this really essential resource to do so, and how to like develop this skill set and this practice to be able to do that.
Susan Leahy: And being in that conversation, and what I would say is, we talk so much about mindset, which is so important. But the next really important step, and I was just envisioning you, as the leader of your organization, how many of us leave it in our mind?
Susan Leahy: So, we’re in this mindset of I want to enjoy but then the next step is that sense of, give yourself permission to let people know that, that’s your mindset. So, it takes confidence to share your mindset with other people. And it’s that sense of, when you start a meeting, you can say, and you can just be very transparent that, look, it’s my intention that we enjoy the work that we’re doing together. It’s my intention that we feel grateful that we have the opportunity to do this work and affect people’s health.
Susan Leahy: And so it’s like, how do I give myself permission within the confidence conversation to take my mindset, and really make it manifest and give myself permission to start sharing it with other people? Because, I think that, that’s where mindset stops.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Susan Leahy: We think that mindfulness is like, oh my, I’m going to write in my journal, and I’m going to keep it in my journal, meditate with my journal, and everything. But the next level is giving voice to, what is it that you want to think? And I’m going to share something for me, because this was sort of like what that you’re saying, one of the mindsets I know, and I feel like I don’t know what I believe about past lives or future lives, or who knows.
Susan Leahy: But for whatever reason, I know that I deserve to feel good. And for me, that’s a real benchmark in my relationships, my conversations, is this generating a good feeling for me? And does feel like this, or does it feel like this? I deserve to feel good.
Susan Leahy: And so, I translate that into my relationship with my husband in order to have these confident conversations that are grounded in me getting what I want, and what I need and creating that environment that feels good.
Susan Leahy: And when my husband and I fight, we’ll actually fight around the idea of feeling good. And I’ll look at him, and I’ll say, “You know what, Jared? You deserve to feel good, and I deserve to feel good and this doesn’t feel good.”
Wendy Myers: I love this argument.
Susan Leahy: Okay, I mean, it’s a good argument, right? But part of confidence isn’t about you winning and the other losing.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Susan Leahy: That part of confidence is knowing that it’s my intention to create an environment that feels good, and it feels good when everybody wins. I’m committed to playing a different game. I’m not playing win/lose. I’m playing win/win.
Susan Leahy: I am the joyous creator of my environment and so, how do I really give myself permission to fight through my mindset, to debate to my mindset, to have conversations through my mindset, to laugh through my mindset, but I have to bring it into the conversation.
Wendy Myers: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, and I love what you said about the arguments. I mean, with your spouse, or the person that you’re in a partnership with. It’s so easy to fall into that, I’m right and you’re wrong. Or look at them as an opponent, or looking at them as a rival, and get in that power struggle with them.
Wendy Myers: And this is a big theme in so many different relationships, and you can approach it from such a different, a positive space and have the same conversation, address the same issues that come out from a very different perspective, and confidence, and positivity and to get what you want instead of fighting for what you deserve.
Susan Leahy: That’s right, yeah, and you have pay for it. All right. And I love that you’re bringing this up, because that’s how insidious power over is. I would love whoever’s listening to this podcast to think about, and kind of just take this idea into your week, “Am I being power over with right now, or am I being power with?”
Susan Leahy: Like, am I really being win lose? Am I listening to set that person up for failure? Which how many times in relationships we do that. You’re just waiting for them to give you that next piece of armor that you’re going to shoot back, right? And I’ll tell you, my husband has said, “Don’t ever get in a fight with a motivational speaker because they ain’t pretty?”
Wendy Myers: Because if you don’t fight with a motivational speaker.
Susan Leahy: Because it ain’t pretty. It’s this sense of, we can shoot back at one another, and all of us get stuck in power, these power struggles. And it takes a really confident human being to pull out of that game and say, “I’m not gonna play that game anymore.”
Susan Leahy: And I will, even when I’m arguing with Jared, I’ll look at him, and I’ll say, “Look, you are going to walk successfully away from this conversation, but right now, I have some things that I need to say in order for …”
Susan Leahy: Because this is not about hiding our emotions. This is not just about S&N smile, and nod, and acting like everything’s okay. This is about honoring yourself so much that you are arguing towards a solution, but you’re actually allowing your emotions, the dignity of their experience.
Susan Leahy: So it’s not about not feeling upset. It’s not about not feeling angry. It’s about saying, oh, that anger is an indicator that a conversation needs to be heard, rather than my anger is something that you need to solve or something that you have created, which is giving someone else your power, right?
Susan Leahy: So now it’s that sense of, if I’m having that, and sometimes I can’t solve it. And it takes confidence to say, “I don’t know what’s wrong right now but I’m committed to be in a conversation that’s going to be uncomfortable in a loving way that’s going to lead us to a greater connection.” So, you can set the context.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, and how many people have been in a relationship, and they’re having this conversation with themselves, oh, I would be happy if you just didn’t do this, you didn’t act this way? Or that your maid is kind of hanging their happiness on you. Like, if you didn’t behave this way, we wouldn’t get in argument.
Susan Leahy: That’s right.
Wendy Myers: Or if you weren’t this way, I could be happy. And it’s just you need to be able to deal with that, and overcome that, and be in a really confident positive space and have a much different take on that because that is not going to work.
Susan Leahy: It’s not going work, because at the end of the day, everyone’s responsible for themselves, right? And we kind of all get this intellectually, but when we’re in that power over struggle, we either want to take someone’s power away, or we give our power away. And we do it every day. We do it every day .
Wendy Myers: We do it out of fear, too.
Susan Leahy: Oh, huge fear. Absolutely. I mean, I think power over is rooted in fear. It requires you to be fearful, right? You feel like, “Oh my god, I’m gonna die.” I’m going to, and that’s really what it is, right? Like, that sense of something is going to happen, and how do I move over? And it’s making this invitation. I know this is just such a basic example, but I love it.
Susan Leahy: My little seven-year-old, he always says that to me, like, “I don’t want to hurt you mom.” And one day it just kind of went in so deep, and I was like, oh, that he is, that is the hurt right there, and that, that’s all of me in this continuum that I get to open up to myself, and the more graciously I can invite myself over to be in power with, to really stand in authentic confidence, to be in a generous conversation with myself, and just take a deep breath when I’m over here and go, okay, I’m just in a power or paradigm I don’t want to be in right now. Okay? But I know that there’s something else that I can walk towards.
Susan Leahy: So, you’re just giving yourself permission in a way that’s more loving. Because I don’t know about you, but I am really critical. And you know what? Wendy, you would you would know that anyone, we used to go to many, many, many, many years ago, we used to go to lots of different parties in Los Angeles, and I’ll tell you, LA is tough on your ego when you’re young.
Wendy Myers: Oh, yes. Yeah.
Susan Leahy: And maybe really tough when you’re old. I don’t know whether it’s different …
Wendy Myers: Because there’s a lot of beautiful thin women running around, actresses, and models, and things like that. And even if you are really attractive, you can still feel not so attractive because of …
Susan Leahy: And I remember sitting on my bed before we would go to some of these parties, and I would be weeping because my insecurities would just come up and whack me in the face. And I didn’t feel pretty enough, I didn’t feel whatever enough, tall enough, right?
Susan Leahy: I didn’t feel whatever enough and so, I think that all of us as women, we can really identify that we go to these spaces, and there’s something that just triggers it, right? We all have these triggers.
Susan Leahy: And for me, I used to be really hard on myself when I went there. And so, I kept myself there too long. And so, I started to develop things like a personal anchor statement. So, just so I can introduce myself to you, my name is Susan Leahy, and I am a loving, powerful, committed woman.
Susan Leahy: And these three words, my family has an anchor, my marriage has an anchor, and I have an anchor. Because sometimes the sea of life is rocky, and we get sick, we don’t feel well, and there’s health issues, and there’s relationship discrepancies and the sea of life can rock around you. But do you have an anchor to hold on or to remind you where you’re trying to get?
Susan Leahy: I’m not always a loving, powerful, committed woman but that sure is my goal. That’s who I’m up to being in the world. And most of us don’t even have an anchor remind ourselves when we’re sitting in that pit just criticizing ourselves.
Susan Leahy: So, how do we insert practices, and that’s a lot of the work that we do in the confident woman program, is really setting participants up to be in a conversation that will insert practical simple practices that will add to, and expand their conversation in the moment so that they can ground themselves and then roll back into a more healthy conversation.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. Can you give us a like a specific example from your confident woman program that can help the listeners kind of relate to their circumstances in a more positive way?
Susan Leahy: Yeah. Oh, I love that. That’s a great question. One of the tools I just think is so powerful, and you might need to take this in. So, if it doesn’t translate right when I say it, just take a deep breath and just let yourself think about it is, one of the tools that we support you in thinking about is to hold every single thing that’s happening as a neutral event.
Susan Leahy: Because what happens is, let’s say I’m driving my car and somebody rear ends me. That seems like something that’s just happened to me, right? But really what’s happened? Oh, I just got into a car accident, because what happens is, we immediately start to apply meaning to a situation. We make it good, we make it bad, we make it right, we make it wrong, we make it scary. We apply an immediate meaning, which then wraps us up into a reaction.
Susan Leahy: So, if you can take the energetic space to just take an intentional deep breath in, and hold whatever happened as a neutral event. It’s not negative, it’s not positive. It just is. Then all of a sudden, you’ve given yourself the space to choose, because most of us are not choosing. We’re reacting. Most of us are not responding, we’re just jumping in and believing, that we’re kind of grabbing on to that first reaction.
Susan Leahy: My kids, I love this. When I looked at them, I said, “You know, Connor, you know you’re more than your first reaction.” And so, everybody has their first reaction, and what happens is, we grab on to that first reaction believing that first reaction is true and then, we carry it all the way through our day.
Susan Leahy: And so, when my kids have a reaction, when I have a reaction, when my business partner has a reaction, I’ll look at them and I’ll say, “You’re more than your first reaction. Do you want to choose a different response?”
Susan Leahy: So now all of a sudden, you’re just getting yourself permission to hold things more neutral. You are not your first reaction. Everything that happens to you is a neutral event. It’s neither good, it’s neither bad and you get to apply the meaning.
Wendy Myers: And with these kind of tips, I love these tips. This is like whenever we’re having a conversation, I get all these little yummy tidbits of things that you can apply, and I think it’s so important that everyone listening right now sign up for Susan’s confident woman program.
Wendy Myers: I say that because I just really relish all of the kind of, relationship, and personal, and professional advice that I’ve gotten from you, and I just always get so much out of our conversations that I know that everyone listening will get so much out of this, out of this course to up level themselves personally, and professionally, and in their relationships. I use some of the skills that you’ve taught me over the years to just feel better.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: That’s what everyone wants. They just want to feel good, they just want to feel better, and this is a practice with a skill set that you have to learn to deploy into your life. So, is there anything else you want to share about your confident woman program?
Susan Leahy: One thing I do want to say is, I’ve been in the world of personal transformation for a very long time, and I’ve gone to lots of workshops, and lots of trainings and I’ve learned a lot of great things. But I will tell you as a woman that, many times I have sat in that room and I’ve listened to somebody share their content, make their pitch, share their story, and somehow it made me feel like I wasn’t enough.
Susan Leahy: It made me feel like I wasn’t doing something, right. And I always thought that that was unique, why am I going to a motivational program to feel demotivated about who I am? And so, one of the things that I think is different about the way I’m holding this conversation is that, I do not believe that women, and the women I work with are broken or that they are a problem that needs to be fixed.
Susan Leahy: And first of all, it’s like, we need to step out of that. What it is, is that, this is an empowered conversation that we get to have. And so, my goal is to support you in understanding how to start having that empowered conversation so that you can have more empowered relationships with yourself first.
Susan Leahy: I want women to feel empowered and confident. I don’t want them to feel deficient or criticized. And so, we’re going to talk a lot about some very specific issues in the program. But I think what I love about what we’ve created is, it’s a really safe, and powerful, and loving, and generous community where we’re going to be really seeking, and seeing and talking about how to move people to the next level. Not how to fix their deficiencies. That’s not that’s not what we’re doing.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. And so, where can we find your course and sign up?
Susan Leahy: Yeah, so there is a link I’m sure that you’re going to be providing to everyone, and if you just go to confidentwomanprogram.com, and you can sign up for the program there. It starts on March 13.
Susan Leahy: And the one thing I do want to say is, this is really as a special program, because I am doing all of the webinars live. So, it’s 12 weekly webinars, and we’re going to be doing, following that confidence flow model, giving you some very specific, because that’s important for me.
Susan Leahy: This is not just a theoretical conversation, these are real practices you can integrate. So, we’ll be doing 12 weeks of live webinars. They will be recorded if you can’t attend, and then, I want to support you to stay in that confidence conversation. So, we’re going to give you 52 weeks of audio affirmations, and audio lessons so that for 15 minutes a week, we just remind you gently, and lovingly to be in your own confidence conversation.
Susan Leahy: The Dalai Lama said that, “The world will be saved by the western woman,” and I believe that women, we have the power to really be in a more empowered conversation, and shape what’s happening on this planet. We are powerful creators, and so, I’m excited to be in this conversation with you.
Wendy Myers: Yes, because women are the consumers of health information primarily, and health supplements, and products, and programs and we kind of steer that ship over the health of our spouse, the health of our children, the health of our family. And you want to do that from a confidence space, and you need to take care of yourself first.
Wendy Myers: So many women are not taking care of themselves, ignoring themselves and taking care of everyone else and so, admirable that you have to be to show up for yourself first.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: And that’s something that for me has been really, really important in the last few years. Showing up for myself, and loving myself, getting in a good mindset, owning it that I want it, what it is that I want so that I can share that with my family, and with you guys too, with my list?
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: And it’s a skill set that you have to learn. So, it this a great and a wonderful place you can go to, to develop an employee that skill set.
Susan Leahy: Yeah, beautiful. Well, I really appreciate you, Wendy Myers. I love the work that you’re doing in the world, and the conversation that you’re in, and all the reasons that you’re in this conversation. Your dad was a lucky man to have you as a daughter.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. Well, Susan, thanks, so much for coming on the show. And we want to thank your mom for just imparting all this wonderful knowledge, because I knew your mom too, and she was such a wonderful positive spirit. And she imbued that in you, and shared that with you and you’re just such a wonderful person.
Wendy Myers: So, I love being your friend. I love having these conversations with you. And I just was so excited to have you on the show, because just your positivity is infectious.
Susan Leahy: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: And I know you guys feel it, and that’s just so much fun.
Susan Leahy: You what we did not say? You know what we did not say is that, my mom was a professional clown.
Wendy Myers: I know. My mom was too.
Susan Leahy: Our moms were both professional clowns, I guess.
Wendy Myers: Yes, these are happy women.
Susan Leahy: That’s why you got to have some fun whatever that looks like for you. But we can bring it because you deserve to enjoy your life and feel good. And so I mean, one last piece, I know that we’re buttoning it up.
Susan Leahy: But what you said about that sense of like, what I find is, when women finally start taking, I’m going to take space for myself. There’s this level of anger, right? Like we’re doing it from like, power over and all of a sudden we’re mad at the people that we want to love, because I got to take time for myself.
Susan Leahy: It’s like confidently just take time for ourselves, and with that energy, it doesn’t have to be because I’m not being able to give anything to anyone else, or I have to say no to anything that I’m doing. It’s just confidently taking time for myself.
Wendy Myers: So, everyone, thanks for tuning in. Go check out Susan’s program, confidentwomanprogram.com, and we had a really nice time today. We had a lot of fun today talking to you, Susan. And so everyone, thanks, for tuning in and we will talk to you next week.
