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Transcript
Top Takeaways
- While most men have a high libido at all times, women have cyclical increases in libido before ovulation.
- Woman react well to stimulation through what Susan calls the bull’s-eye technique, where the body is touched from the outside in.
- This technique is based on the fact that woman require passion and relaxation to bring forth arousal.
- Susan also likes a technique where men give a number of small offers to get a string of yeses from the female, which can get a woman into the mood to be connected with the male.
- This is a form of seduction, where by asking things such as, do you want a glass of wine, do you want me to hold you while we watch your favorite show, is moving your partner towards pleasure, through fun touch and the joy of connection.
- There are three different pieces to a woman’s turn on, libido being the body based piece of it which involves hormone balance, the second piece being desire, how you feel about your partner, his forms of seduction, as well as how you feel about your own body, and the third being arousal, the processes and activities that lead to you becoming aroused.
- Toxins in the body need to be looked at when you have a low libido, making detoxification and gut health essential for libido
- The things that you want to do to have a healthy libido are also the things that you need to do to be healthy, which starts with grounding, mineralizing the body, taking binders, and then beginning detox protocols.
- As you age your skin becomes thinner, including the skin in the vagina.
- When Susan couldn’t get rid of the pain in her introital sphincter, the entrance to the vagina, she used a Femilift that uses CO2 to restore vaginal tissues.
- Susan also recommends intravaginal lasers, and RF devices to regenerate the vaginal mucosal tissue of the vagina.
- These procedures resurface the vaginal mucosa and creates subcutaneous micro damage, which reverses urge incontinence, where you feel as though you need to urinate immediately, and stress incontinence where if you sneeze, cough, or run, urine leaks out.
- Everything that can be done to bring back blood flow and plump tissue to the vagina, or creating engorgement, though gentle genital massages, before lovemaking can greatly increase orgasms.
- P Shot for men, and the O Shot for woman is a shot that uses your own blood, which is put into centrifuge, to pull off the white and red blood cells, and creates a type of plasma, that is injected into your clitoral structure for improved stimulation.
- For woman scheduled play dates and increased masturbation can lead to more arousal, and desire for sex.
- Susan warns about buying generic sex toys because many of them contain phthalates and plasticizers that will destroy vaginal tissues. She recommends using silicone, glass, or food grade stainless steel sex toys.
- She also recommends not using store brand lubes and instead use natural oils like coconut oil and avocado oil.
- Get Susan’s free gift, The Sexual Soulmate Pact Click Here!
- To learn more about Susan Bratton go to susanbratton.com where you can also find her popular Youtube channel.
- You can find her on instagram @susanbratton
- To join Susan’s Sexual Vitality Summit, where 28 of the best functional medicine doctors and sexologists discuss how to fix all of the things that hold people back from having the intimacy that they want, Click Here!
Wendy Myers: Hello, everyone. My name is Wendy Myers. Thank you so much for joining me for the Myers Detox Podcast. This podcast is all about detoxification and researching different topics. Exploring different topics, different health issues and symptoms, and how they relate to detoxification. How removing metals and chemicals is the key to restoring your health. Whether it’s your libido, whether it’s your hormones, or all the other things we’re going to talk about on this show today.
Wendy Myers: I have Susan Bratton on the show. This is such a funny podcast. We talk about vaginal rejuvenation, we talk about, how to increase your libido, how to increase your desire and bring about desire and arousal, and how to improve your romantic connection with your partner. And we talk about the O-Shot and the P-Shot and all the different things that you can do to rejuvenate your lady parts, and also rejuvenate your skin as well. All the things that rejuvenate your lady parts also rejuvenate you from the inside out, including your skin tissue. So really, really interesting show today.
Wendy Myers: I know a lot of you guys listening to this show are concerned about your hormones. You’re concerned that your libido is flagging. So we talk about all the different things that interfere in libido and hormones, all the different things that you can do to improve your libido and hormones. But also how to generate more sexual desire. Also how to… all the different mechanisms, all the different issues that women are having specifically, and how to address those. Like some women feel like they have painful intercourse. We talk about why that is and how to fix it. Why some women just don’t ever feel like in sync with their partners as far as their arousal and desire and their horniness, and why that’s totally okay. And we’re talking about exactly why the different cycles between men and women and how to bridge that gap so that both people are happy and feel good about their connection and level of desire.
Wendy Myers: So, our guest today is Susan Bratton. She’s an advocate and champion of all who desire passionate intimacy. Best selling author of 30 books and online programs that teach passionate lovemaking, bedroom communication skills, and restorative sexual wellness techniques. She’s a frequent daytime television guest speaker from the stage and expert on myriad online summits and podcasts like this. In addition to being a sexpert, helping millions of people through her Better Lover YouTube channel and Instagram platform, she’s the CEO of a digital publishing company called Personal Life Media and creator of a next generation line of libido products for people across the gender spectrum called The20. You can find her at betterlover.com.
Wendy Myers: She also has an upcoming Sexual Vitality Summit. This is going to be an amazing online summit that has 40 different speakers that I highly, highly recommend that you tune into. Just google, Sexual Vitality Summit on Google. Susan, thanks so much for coming on the show.
Wendy Myers: Wendy, you have one of my favorite shows. I’ve been listening to them like mad since I discovered you. I am working on my spa chemicals, now I’m taking lion’s mane mushrooms at night for my synapse regrowth. I didn’t know about all that, what is it? The radioactive poison that’s now being poured into the universe. So, since I’ve discovered you, I’ve absolutely fallen in love with you. You’re so bright and smart and charming. And every episode you do is so interesting to me that I’ve been binging on my Wendy Myers Detox.
Wendy Myers: All right. Well, thank you. Thank you so much. But I want you to add that conversation. Because this is a big topic for a lot of women. A lot of women have a taint libido. I’ve certainly experienced this and it’s very frustrating because you want to engage in your relationship with full passion and wanting to be present, and a lot of women just feel like, wow, wow. They’re just not present as much as their male counterpart is, or female, or what have you. So, let’s talk about the detox connection to libido. Tell us about that.
Wendy Myers: Well, it’s funny because one of the things that I say is, women say to me all the time, “I want to want him but I don’t. And I’m frustrated by that. I want to do a good job. I want to be there sexually for him.” And it’s so interesting because I think hormones have played a dirty trick on us women. And a dirty trick on men too. Now, also I want to preface our conversation, Wendy, because… And you kind of noted this a little bit when you spoke. I might be talking about men and women, but I’m in full support of the entire gender spectrum of expression. That’s one thing. But there’s no denying that if you’re born into a male body and you’re testosterone dominant, you have a very different reality than if you’re born into a female body and you’re estrogen dominant.
Wendy Myers: And so, I think actually, I want to talk a lot about detoxing and what happens. But it’s really inextricably intertwined in hormonal balance as well. And the two things that I want to say are, first of all, guys are generally hornier, because they’re testosterone dominant. And guys will write to me when their wives have gone through menopause and been like, “Well, I’m done with sex now. I can’t have babies anymore, so we’re not having sex anymore.” And that still happens all the time.
Wendy Myers: I had a friend tell me that. He said, “My girlfriend…” He was like 55, his girlfriend turned 50. She’s like, “I don’t want to have sex anymore.” And he broke up with her.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, that happens all the time. And that’s really just societal and religious programming and lack of information, but it’s out there, as you know. So what happens to a lot of guys is they say, “Is there anything that I could do to basically chemically castrate myself? Could I stop having this torment of my libido?” For some men it torments them because they don’t have a partner who can keep up with their desire. And for so many women they’re like, “Can I start anything I could… Is there like the opposite of Spanish fly that I could sprinkle in my man’s morning orange or whatever?”
Wendy Myers: I went to the doctor for this very thing. I went in I’m like-
Wendy Myers: Plucking your husband’s porch?
Wendy Myers: Well, yeah. I had a whole bucket list of things. Let me get rid of my low libido. Help me with that. So she gave me testosterone cream to put on my labia, which I did. Didn’t notice anything. But that seems, when you go to your doctor, that’s the fix.
Wendy Myers: Well, your doctor can only do so many things. And one of the things that happens is that, women, because we’re not naturally horny all the time, we’re cyclically horny. So we’ll become horny just before our ovulation and around our ovulation. And a lot of times women actually experience horniness during their period, which is also interesting. So we have this hormonal cycling that men don’t have. They wake up every morning with morning wood and they’d like you to hop on top and have an orgasm on them.
Wendy Myers: With excitement.
Wendy Myers: Exactly. They want you… and this is another thing guys always say to me, they always say, “I wish she just once would initiate sex. She never initiates sex.” And I say to them, “It’s not our job babe, it’s your job. You got to do it.”
Wendy Myers: It’s your job. I’m sorry.
Wendy Myers: “It is part of what you are there for. You need to drag her over the line to turn on.” And when men start to understand that it’s not her and she’s not rejecting them. And that it’s not our job, it’s his job. And I put it in those terms like, it’s your job. Because men need jobs. As a testosterone kind of a guy. What they want is, they want to do a good job. They want to be respected for the job that they do. These are important masculine pieces of information for us ladies to know.
Wendy Myers: So, women start out at neutral or really we start out at negative. Because we have this estrogen mindset. We are always like, we’re thinking about this and we’re thinking about that. And we’re just like, all over the map. Plus, we also have a lot more anxiety. Testosterone creates confidence. It gives you balls. It’s create surety and certainty. Which is why guys always think they know what they’re doing. And we as women are always like, “Well, I mean, maybe we could probably figure it out.” And we’re actually overqualified for the job and we don’t think we can do it. And guys could be under qualified for the job and they’re like, “Hey, yeah, I can do this. Of course, you know I can do it.” And it’s just… I always call testosterone, I call it testosterone the king, the queen and the joker of hormones. Because it just creates all kinds of havoc. It’s the Loki you know, it’s the joker of the hormone world, right?
Wendy Myers: Once you understand that your guy is perpetually horny, he wants to have sex every day, it’s never going to go away. And once he understands that you’re never going to initiate, you’re never going to be like, “Oh my God, come get me I’m going to be ravished. I’m going to ravish you.” That that’s only going to happen in a very unusual set of circumstances. And once you understand that, and he understands how to seduce you in a long term, monogamous style of relationship, which is usually, calming you down. Getting his hands on you, full body touch, stroking your body, and then the bullseye touch technique is… imagine the bullseye with the concentric rings to the center. He wants you to touch him in the center right away. And you know what the center is. It’s his beautiful penis. That’s the last thing you want to do is be grabbed by the eh, eh, like our president. Like, no girls want that.
Wendy Myers: That’s just the wrong thing. We don’t want our breasts touched. We don’t want our yonis touched. We want them to work, we want our hair stroked, and our eyelids kissed, and our neck kissed, and our clavicle touched. And our belly maybe rubbed, or our back stroked, or here’s a really good one, my feet.
Wendy Myers: My feet.
Wendy Myers: Start at my feet and work your way up.
Wendy Myers: My man knows that. He knows about the foot rubs.
Wendy Myers: The foot rubs are very releasing for us women.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: Even if all we do is run around at our all bird sneakers, we still want foot rubs. There’s, I think there is something biochemical around the feet. And they do say that in your brain, the feeling of sensation where you touch your feet and where you touch your clitoris is right next to each other. So, I think there’s some connection there.
Wendy Myers: Anyway, the reason why women think they don’t want their husbands or their long term partners or even their boyfriends after a few months is number one, the new relationship energy is gone. Number two, we girls are variety queens. We like a wide variety of stimulation and lovemaking, and romance, and seduction, and passion, and fun, and adventure. It takes all of that for us to get turned on. Where for guy it’s like, “Whoa, I have have a hard-on, could you touch me?” Like they’re really much more simpler [crosstalk 00:12:34]
Wendy Myers: Let’s do this right now spontaneously.
Wendy Myers: Look what I have for you.
Wendy Myers: At 6:00 in the morning. It’s the last thing that I want to do on the earth right now. At 6:00 in the morning.
Wendy Myers: That’s when their testosterone is at its highest. Because they have a daily hormonal cycle, which means their testosterone rises in the morning. Which is good. If your guy is getting night erections and morning wood, he’s good and healthy. When those go away, you got to look into the gut, you got to look to the hormones, right? So then that brings us to the next piece. So the first piece is that if you’re kicking yourself because you’re not turned on like your husband, you’re not supposed to be. It’s not ever going to happen. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not your hormones. It’s not your toxins. It’s not him. It’s just the way we’re wired.
Wendy Myers: So once you kind of go, “Oh, now I get it. That makes sense.” And you let yourself off the hook, you can relax a little bit. And because we need to be seduced, and we need our arousal to start in relaxation, a lot of guys also what they do is they come right at us. They’re like, “Okay, I’m going to twinkle these dials and push these buttons. And you know which dials and buttons I’m talking about. So right there, they’re like boom. Right on the parts that we don’t touched right away because they’re trying to get us going. Because that’s what gets them going. And so that annoys us.
Wendy Myers: And so once they understand that they have to relax us so we can get out of our crazy estrogen monkey minds, and get into our bodies and then relax us. And then slowly stair step our arousal. Because arousal is the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system toggling back and forth. You relax her and then you take her up. And then you give her a break, and then you take her a little higher. And then you give her a break, and then you take her a little higher. So the whole notion of the bullseye touch technique of starting on the outside and working your way into the erogenous zone slowly, really, really makes a big difference for women. Then suddenly they’re able to have the space, as well as the relaxation, as well as the touch that brings them into their desire because if you get held by your partner and you can relax for a minute and then they start to stroking your body like petting you like a kitty cat.
Wendy Myers: That, one of my mentors Sherry Winston says, “Women are kitty cats and men are puppy dogs.” And so, we want to be stroked like a kitty cat. We want to be smoothed, if you will.
Wendy Myers: Especially if you’re a Leo like me.
Wendy Myers: I’m a Leo too. I’m a Leo. I can’t wait to meet you in person. You’re amazing I love you so much. I’m so happy to be here together today.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. I am too. This is such an important conversation because I think a lot of women and men don’t get this stuff unless they’ve been reading sex therapy books or whatever is their hobby. But a lot of times our men are also lazy because they… sometimes they’re lazy in their relationships. They don’t want to do this work, or do this romancing, they just want to right now.
Wendy Myers: Well, here’s what I teach guys. I teach them… one of the programs… So, I’m an sexpert. And what I’ve been doing for nearly 15 years is publishing passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual health and wellness information, advice, treatments, protocols. By the way, I got to tell you about my L. reuteri yogurt. Don’t let me forget to tell you what I’m doing for my skin. I have this new protocol, I call the skin inspiration, which is a big part of feeling good, and feeling sexy is looking good. So bookmark the skin inspiration because I do want to drop that one on you because I’m super high on it right now.
Wendy Myers: But I’ve been doing these passionate lovemaking techniques, and I haven’t written them all myself. I’ve gone out and found things or had the things created by my mentors for my business so that I could teach people things. And one of them is one of my mentors is Dr. Patty Taylor. She has her PhD in female orgasmic potential. And that’s really what I do. I study female orgasm. I’m an orgasmonaut, I like to say. I go out into the far reaches of orgasm to let people know that, “Oh no, there’s not one kind of orgasms. There’s 15.” That’s another show.
Wendy Myers: But seduction, once you teach your partner, and you do this to your partner too, but once he understands, and I’m going with the masculine feminine here. You can be a female bodied masculine oriented person. Once you understand how you can run a woman a menu of small offers to get her to start to say a string of yeses that get her into the mood to be connected with you. So you start with, “Would you like a glass of Chardonnay? Would you like to sit on the couch and I’ll hold you while we watch your favorite show? Would you like a foot rub? Would you like a back rub? Can I give you a full body massage? Would you like to get in the hot tub or the sauna together? Would you like to just lie down and have me hold you? Would you like to tell me about your day?” Right?
Wendy Myers: You start with those types of things where she starts to go, “Yeah, I do want you to hold me. Yeah, I would like a foot rub. Yeah. Could I have it while I’m having a shower today? Can you get me a really long straw?” So you start saying yes to him. And as you’re starting to say yes, he’s getting a sense of where you are. Like how close you are to your possibility of arousal. Then he’s moving you toward more pleasure. That’s what seduction is. It’s not manipulation. It’s moving your partner toward more pleasure. Creating the fun and the touch and the joy of connection. Because you’re so busy thinking about your life and running your Miss CEO of the universe situation, and raising your kids, and cooking all the meals, and doing the laundry, and that that that that that, that he needs to bring you into the love bubble and get you calm down.
Wendy Myers: So this notion of running you a menu of small offers is a really good one for a guy to understand that… what happens with guys is they go, “Hey, do you want to have sex?” And you’re like, “No. I do not want… what are you doing?” It’s the same thing. It’s like he’s like, ready to go. He is the light switch. Point, the light is on. You’re the fire. The kindling, the blowing on, the oxygenation, the little twigs, a slightly bigger log. You don’t throw boom, the log out, right?
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: That’s the dude. So once he understands you’re not rejecting him, this is what you need. And he gets kind of like, “Oh, well, nobody ever told me that before.” Of course. Because you have not met Susan Bratton the trusted hot sex advisor to millions until now, right?
Wendy Myers: But I do that with my mate too. Like, I’ll be like, “Hey, do you want a foot massage or do you want to…” And then that might be like a key like, “Oh, okay, this might go to the next thing.” I do that too. I have that in my little toolbox. Is like a little signaling like throwing out the smoke signals. That maybe let’s do that. Why not?
Wendy Myers: Well, and it’s funny because men really, really, really miss the sexual signals. They cannot read our signals. You could feel like you are practically shouting it through a bullhorn, and it’s in neon letters, and they’ll be like, “She never initiates man. She just never does it. I have to do it all the time.” And you’re like, “I’ve initiated like four times in the last week. You just didn’t do anything about it.” And he’s like, “You did not.”
Wendy Myers: Yeah, that’s a good point. That men, they can’t read your mind. You think you’re clear on what you think in your mind but they aren’t getting the hint. Which is, big surprise. That happens in a lot of communication.
Wendy Myers: Well, you can imagine that they can’t read our signals because they are so different than we are. And this is why it’s so good to know about the Mars and Venus, good old John Gray. Right? He’s got the perfect analogy with Mars, Venus. I’ve read all his work too. I have taken it, it’s funny. I just did this big clearing out of my bookcases, and I donated like about, I don’t know, 20 boxes to the Buddhist meditation temple for their rummage sale. I go to yoga there. Lee is my yoga teacher and I said, “I hope there weren’t too many books on sex fro the rummage sale?” And she goes, “Well, I didn’t look at all those boxes, and I definitely my eyebrows raised.” But I live in Mill Valley, California. Everybody here is transformational person.
Wendy Myers: But you didn’t give out your John Gray books or-
Wendy Myers: Oh, no. I kept a few of those. There were some really good ones I kept for sure. Yeah. I kept all the good stuff. But I should have counted up how many books I’ve read on orgasm because there were a lot. So going back to your original thing about, how does detoxification connect to desire, libido, and arousal? What I found is that, there are three different pieces to your turn on, to your sex life. Libido is the body based piece of it. Which is, are you low in hormonal? Whatever your hormonal situation is. Are you low? Do you need topped off? Are you going to try to do it endogenously? Are you going to try to do it exogenously?
Wendy Myers: And then the second piece is desire, which is how you feel about your partner and all the seduction stuff. And that piece of it is like, do I want them or am I just really mad at them? Are they not meeting my relationship needs and I don’t even want them? Or did they get overweight and I’m not attracted to them anymore? Or whatever. That’s the desire piece of it. And it also includes the how I feel about my own self. How do I feel about my body, my body image and all those kinds of things. And then arousal is really where we started. We jumped right into arousal, which is really the seduction, the arousal, the warming up, the coming into your desire because we don’t start there. We need to be led to that. Or we need to help our partner get us into arousal and then open ourselves to more and more pleasure.
Wendy Myers: And so libido is that piece where, if you’re not making your hormones, you better look to your gut. Because it’s not all about the adrenal, it’s, of course, around all of it. The HPA, right? It’s really clear to me that by the time you get to be 40 years old, you’re so full of toxins that you are not producing the hormones that you could be producing, and that you have to start detoxing to get that system going again. And what’s also become clear to me is that hormone replacement exogenous. Bioidentical hormone replacement is not the solution for low hormones. The first solution is detoxification. And then once you’ve got everything, like, if poops aren’t sliding out of your butt, you should not be taking supplemental hormones. Because if you’re not moving things through, then you’re full of toxins. And you’ve got to get those out before you start doing hormone replacement. Or they’re just bouncing off. They’re not landing on your receptors. You’re not taking them in.
Wendy Myers: And that’s something that was very, very new to me. I originally contacted you because I did this Sexual Vitality Summit where I interviewed 28 of my dream team about libido, desire, and arousal. And what became clear to me in talking to a bunch of functional and integrative doctors was, this issue that toxins are really the thing that we need to look at if we are low in libido. I would have never guessed that, Wendy. It would not have been what I would have thought. Now you’re like, “Of course, what have I been saying?”
Wendy Myers: Yeah, and there’s so much working against our hormones. I mean, there are so many estrogen mimicking toxins and plastics and BPA and metalloestrogens, metals that act like estrogen on our estrogen receptors. And then there’s metals that poison hydroxylase enzymes. And these are enzymes that make hormones and will convert them into other forms like DHEA into testosterone. You have to have good testosterone to have libido. And that’s why men are so horny because they have high testosterone levels.
Wendy Myers: Here’s the checker.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. There’s more to it than that but that’s just simplified version. But yeah, so many things throw a wrench. And then if you’re stressed, the more stress hormones you have, the less sex hormones you make. So-
Wendy Myers: Pregnenolone steel, they call it.
Wendy Myers: Yes. Like there’s so many things working against having a healthy libido. And then if you even have a healthy libido, it’s still cyclical. We’re still never going to be there with the guy. And there’s always like a bell curve. Like there’s always some super horny women or women that have never had an orgasm for various reasons. So there’s a bell curve. But we’re talking about the majority of people. They just aren’t going to have a cyclical libido. It’s not going to be there all the time.
Wendy Myers: You said that so perfectly. This is one of the reasons I love you. I really think you’re smart as hell. I’m the only other person that explains that to people. Maybe we’re both not very smart but we think the exact same thing. But I think we’re very smart. Look, this is what we’re studying, right?
Wendy Myers: Yes. This is why we’re teaching people.
Wendy Myers: [crosstalk 00:26:32] we’re talking about the bell curve of humanity. I’m constantly talking about, everybody’s on a bell curve spectrum. We’re homo sapiens. We’re an animal. And we have to respect that we start out at the bottom line, we’re animals. How’s our blood sugar? How’s our sleep? What is our toxin load? How is our adrenal system? Like, if you don’t start out there, then all this other lofty relationship advice and sex techniques and blah, blah, blah. It’s just falls on literally the dead ears of your body being so tough that it can’t do anything but barely move along.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: So I have a question for you.
Wendy Myers: Yes.
Wendy Myers: Can you give me the best high level step by step? So here we are, and there are people listening to us going, “On, God, I know. What do I do and in what order?” What does a person do and in what order to begin to unwind the toxins we’ve taken in through all of these different things over our lifetime and here we hit 40 or 50 and we’re like, “Okay, we got to detox.” What do we do?
Wendy Myers: Yeah. And here’s the thing. Also to preface that is that the things you want to do to have a healthy libido are also going to the things you just generally have to do to be a healthy person. And to correct a lot of other symptoms people have as well. Usually have brain fog and fatigue and other gut issues, what have you. So it’s the kind of the same thing. So, the first step in detox is really grounding. And that might be surprising to some people. But if you have all this EMF acting on you and you live in a high rise building and you’re never touching the earth, your body isn’t going to work correctly. So grounding is really a first step.
Wendy Myers: Mineralizing your body, you don’t have enough minerals, your body will be forced to retain heavy metals to do certain jobs in the body. And then you can take binders, and then you can take specific supplements for the metals you have. A lot of people have mercury, aluminum, LED. And then you want to do detox protocols like infrared saunas and coffee enemas. And so that’s really what a fairly good detox program looks like.
Wendy Myers: Okay. So, grounding, mineralization. What was the next one?
Wendy Myers: Then taking a binder-
Wendy Myers: Binders.
Wendy Myers: … to absorb all their toxins like a sponge. Super basic thing to do. I have a product called citricleanse which is awesome for that. And testing, finding out what metals you have. Taking specific supplements for your metals to remove them. It’s more of an advanced strategy. And then doing infrared saunas and coffee enemas.
Wendy Myers: It’s so interesting. I loved Michael Guyer. Yeah. I was listening to that this morning, because I don’t like to go in our hot tub and my husband loves to go in and he wants me to go in with him. And I noticed that even though he tries to keep it super, super clean, when I go in it, and then I get out and I shower and then I put on this lotion, which I want to tell you about. I can smell the chlorine.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: I can smell it. [crosstalk 00:29:44] And we just bought a sunlight and sauna. And we’re having it put in under one of our decks. We’ve got like this double-decker deck and I never used that underneath space. And now I’m like, “Oh my god. I’m putting a sauna in there.” So that we can go heat up together but I don’t have to have any chlorine on me. I think the sauna is the new hot tub. And I live in Marin. I have the best hot tub in the universe. Literally my hot tub looks out over a promontory all the way down into the lights of San Francisco down a huge Canyon up on Mount Tamalpis. It’s the most gorgeous hot tub in the universe. And my husband keeps it pristine and I’m still like, “No, I don’t like to smell the chlorine.” Like if I can smell it on my skin after I’ve showered, it’s getting in me.
Wendy Myers: Oh, yeah. And it blocks your thyroid. [crosstalk 00:30:31]. Yeah. It’s a huge problem. That guy Michael Guyer he talked about making a filtering pool water so you can even drink it. I mean, it’s just really, really clean. So, you just mentioned you put some lotion on your skin after you get out of the jacuzzi. What is that?
Wendy Myers: Yeah. So, one of the things that I noticed was, I noticed that… Well, so I’m 58 right now. And I noticed that in the last-
Wendy Myers: Wow, you don’t look 58.
Wendy Myers: I’m doing what I can do mama. I’m seriously like throwing everything at it. And I noticed that my skin was getting really wrinkly and papery thin and was really looking desiccated. And so I started out a couple of months ago, probably three months ago now using Kathy’s Healing Lotion which I buy on Amazon. It’s 100% organic, totally natural lotion. It’s the nicest product that I found as far as just high quality ingredients with no toxic impact. I did that every morning. And every night I would douse myself with organic avocado oil which I also get on Amazon in a gallon container. And at night I would rub organic avocado oil all over my body and put on my nightie, my cotton nightie and go to bed. My husband just love that. No, I would do it just before I went to sleep. And in the morning I would get wake up and put this Kathy’s Healing Lotion. And I noticed that my skin was basically just gone… and sucking up all this oil and lotion.
Wendy Myers: And about a month in, because I had read that study. I don’t know if you saw it. But there was a study where they took old people in a nursing home who were starting to get dementia. And they rubbed lotion on them every day for X number of days and it minimize their dementia, the control group, and had much better remembering than the group that didn’t get the skin lotion. And they said, the skin is the largest organ of your body so it would make sense that it’s doing a lot of processing that we’re not aware of yet. And I thought, “I’m going to try this lotion situation.” And in 30 days, my skin started to plump up. And it literally felt like it was a sponge that was soaking in all this stuff. And then I follow Dr. Jonathan Wright. Do you know him?
Wendy Myers: Yes.
Wendy Myers: Green News. I love that man. He’s really the creator of modern day bioidentical hormone replacement. He was on my summit. I worked hard to get that guy. I mean, he’s really a famous guy, and older now and doesn’t do a lot of publicity things. So, I get his Green Newsletter and Green Medical info. And he said, “If your skin is thinning, what you need to do is you need to…” You can’t really fix it from the outside. You have to do it from the inside. And he said, “Take cod liver oil.” So I’m taking a tablespoon a day of cod liver oil. A tablespoon of like a seed oil, like black cumin or a mixed seed oil. I grind flax seeds in my smoothie. And I take 600 IUs or 700 IUs of vitamin A mixed tocopherols every day. That really got me going, and I realized, oh, I lost my gallbladder about three or four years ago. And I directly attributed it to taking birth control pills in my youth.
Wendy Myers: I think that when you talk to Jolene Brighten she’s like, “Oh yeah. Messes up the calcium something system in your calcium potassium system in your body, and it creates calcium stones.” And when you get calcium stones in your gallbladder you can’t use like Chanca piedra to get rid of them. You have to lose your gallbladder. If you have cholesterol stones, you might be able to get rid of them. But you can’t if you have calcium stones. So I lost my gallbladder.
Wendy Myers: You’re speaking of a libido killer, the birth control pill.
Wendy Myers: Right. I know. That almost ruined my marriage. So then I started taking a lipase enzyme with ox bile in it. I found one where it was together. Like, why don’t they make an ox bile and a lipase enzyme. I looked and looked and looked I found one.
Wendy Myers: I give that to all my clients. I give them an ox bile and lipase pancreatic enzymes.
Wendy Myers: You need it. So I was taking all the oil and then I started to take… because I realized aha, when I lost my gallbladder my skin started going south. That’s what it was. My gallbladder was… I wasn’t emulsifying the fats. I wasn’t getting… I was eating healthy fats. You can eat all the avocados you want, but if you can’t emulsify them, they just go right out. And as soon as I started taking all that cod liver oil, all those oils, my poops started just being like effortless. All my life I’ve had gut issues. I had gluten allergies, I have had a lot of food intolerance. My gut’s been messed up from antibiotics my whole life, and birth control pills. And I’ve been trying to fix them in my 50s really working on… Given up all the yucky stuff. I’ve got a great diet, but still. And I think it was because of the fats. I wasn’t getting enough fat.
Wendy Myers: So, I started doing that. And then, this is the other piece of my skin inspiration. I interviewed Dr. William Davis. He’s the guy that wrote… his newest book is Undoctored, he wrote Wheat Belly.
Wendy Myers: Yes. I love that.
Wendy Myers: And he talks about this yogurt called lactobacillus reuteri. It’s been studied by MIT, a company in Belgium called BioGaia has a patent on it. And you actually have to buy these little pills Biogaia and get them on Amazon. And I have my flax seed grinder. So I crush them up in there. And then I tried it with cashew milk three times. I dumped a whole thing of forage or cashew milk and never could take. So I went to regular milk and then I’m now trying half and a half. Just to see, but I’m buying the unpasteurized. I can’t get raw milk at my grocery store. I heard that’s the best. But I’m doing what I can do. This is what you do. You do what you can do.
Wendy Myers: So, the yogurt you put the lactobacillus reuteri like 10 tablets ground up. You put some inulin to feed the bacteria. And then you have to get, you can do your oven builds. Like you could just use your oven, but my oven it didn’t work. I screwed up a few batches trying to do it in my oven. I just bought a Luvele Yogurt Maker. It’s L-U-V-E-L-E and get them on Amazon. Their glass jar, not plastic, it’s a big jar. It holds like two courts. And it’s a bain, a bain-marie, a water bath. It holds a low temperature. Because if you try to make your own yogurt with L. reuteri and it goes over 112, it kills it off. It’s a low slow grower.
Wendy Myers: So you put the L. reuteri, the inulin, and your milk in this jar. You put it in the bath of water. And you leave it on for 36 hours and it turns into homemade yogurt. You pour off the way. And I’m putting that in my smoothie in the morning because Bill says, Dr. Davis, he says that if you take exogenous collagen, I like the organics brand of collagen. That’s my favorite because it’s organic. You put the collagen in your smoothie and the yogurt in your smoothie, and the yogurt creates almost like a structure that the collagen can hang on and it starts plumping up your skin.
Wendy Myers: So, between the reuteri yogurt, the exogenous collagen, the Vitamin E, the cod liver oil, the flax seeds, the nut seeds, the regular good fats I eat all day long with the Kathy’s Healing Lotion and the organic avocado oil. That’s like 10 things I’m doing. But I got to tell you, my skin’s coming back.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. You look good.
Wendy Myers: I really should have done some before and after pictures. I cannot believe how much more turgid, how much more tumescent, how much more plumped up. I was getting up and the sheet marks were staying for like an hour and a half in my face. Now, no sheet marks at all and I’m all plumped up again and the wrinkles are going away.
Wendy Myers: Oh, wow.
Wendy Myers: It’s been totally worth it for me. And here’s the thing, one of the things that, and I know we wanted to talk a little bit about vaginal rejuvenation or restoration. Because as you age, here’s what really sucks. Not only does your skin wrinkle, but as as you know, it gets thinner. And that’s happening inside your vagina. Your vaginal mucosa. Also your gum tissue, you’re shrinking. We are shrinking and desiccating as we age.
Wendy Myers: That just sounds so attractive. But I hear this. My skin too. I mean, I’m 47, I just turned, and I’ve noticed my skin desiccating. I’m like, “No, no, I need to do everything in my power to fight this.”
Wendy Myers: I wish I had started at your age. I wish you had told me what I just told you. Start doing as many of these things as you can find to add into your routine to keep everything plump. Because what also happens is, even with bioidentical hormone replacement that I was taking, and I still do. Estrogen, testosterone, progesterone, and I also take oxytocin. And the interesting thing about it was, I was having painful intercourse even with full on, up right inside my yoni bioidenticals. I couldn’t get rid of the pain at the entrance to my vagina, which is called your introital sphincter. That little sphincter gets very sensitive. And it feels like broken glass in there, that skin. and I was unable to have intercourse with my husband. And I love to have intercourse with my husband. He’s fabulous. And we’ve been together 30 years and our sex has never been better.
Wendy Myers: And I was like, “I’m a sexpert. I need to have sex. I’ve got to fix this. What can I do?” And I was in a green room on a TV show and I met a young woman who’s a nurse practitioner who does intravaginal lasers and RF devices that actually regenerate the vaginal mucosa. The mucosal tissue of your vagina. Because as we age, our vaginas shrink. The skin gets thin. Especially without estrogen. And even with estrogen, I was getting thinning tissue. I bet if I’d started my skinspiration at your age, I might have not had to have these treatments. But I’m glad I did because it’s a shame that as men age, their penile tissue shrinks and their penis shrinks.
Wendy Myers: And as we age, our vaginal mucosa shrinks and it gets bigger. Vaginal laxity is what they call it in the medical world. And floppy yoni is what we call it here in the real girls world. In the big girl pants world. Or lady land, we call it floppy yoni. And you do not want floppy yoni. Because then your husband’s got this little tiny penis, you got this great big vagina and you’re like, “There’s no grip. I can’t get orgasms because I can’t get a good grip on that thing.”
Wendy Myers: Yeah. I don’t want my vagina to look like a rhinoceros’ butt hole. That’s just the last thing that I want. Because I’m like, “Hey, where do I need to sign up to get a vag rejuvenation here?” Not saying I’m there, but I know it’s coming.
Wendy Myers: Yes. It works like a charm.
Wendy Myers: I want to avoid it.
Wendy Myers: It really works like a charm. There are CO2 lasers, and there’s RF devices. Now, I’ve been studying this area and I’ve had these procedures done to myself, and I talk to a lot of women who are doing them now. And it took me far. The first one made me feel instantly better, but by the fifth one, everything was like nice and tight. I’d started having… There’s two kinds of incontinence. There’s urge, and stress incontinence. Urge is where you feel like you have to pee and you have to like pee right… Like you’re going to the bathroom and you have to run. And then stress incontinence is the one where you sneeze, or you laugh, or you cough, or your run, or your walk and pee leaks out. That’s the leaking pee.
Wendy Myers: So, they usually say that these procedures are good for the stress incontinence, but it helped with my urge incontinence. It doesn’t just resurface the vaginal mucosa, it does subcutaneous micro damage. Just like if you were getting a fraxel laser on your face or an IPL or what have you, all that stuff is-
Wendy Myers: Rebuilds collagen.
Wendy Myers: … Rebuilds collagen. That’s exactly what it does. So it plumps it up. It tightens everything up again. Including that sling of tissue that holds up the bladder from collapsing into the vaginal area.
Wendy Myers: Where do I sign up?
Wendy Myers: Well, there’s a couple of different brands. The one that I would recommend… so I had a Femilift. That’s CO2. But I’ve been talking… you know, Dr. Betsy Greenleaf. She’s part of our Mindshare Community. She’s got a couple of different systems. And she said she’s getting the best results with RF devices. And the one that I want to try next is the Viveve. V-I-V-E-V-E. It’s an RF device. They’re in FDA trials right now.
Wendy Myers: And Betsy says the RF goes a little bit deeper and she thinks it gets a better result. I don’t know if she has Viveve or what she has, but that’s an interesting thing. So, whatever one you can get in your area, MonaLisa is a brand. And it takes a few passes. Like a woman emailed me recently and she said, “I’ve had three and it really didn’t notice a difference.” I was like, “Baby, keep going.” You don’t stop now. It could take five. It could take seven. I don’t know how lax you were. I don’t know how damaged she was. I mean, it could take a few but good lord, you got to get your vag back.
Wendy Myers: Yeah.
Wendy Myers: So, that’s one thing. But then-
Wendy Myers: But it’s like anything. You can’t expect like instant results. There’s other kinds of procedures. Like even with like skin. Like you’re doing skin procedures or lasers, you usually have to do a few of them. Just not one. You’re going to magically be 10 years younger. You have to keep at it.
Wendy Myers: Right. Because it’s a fractional… It’s fractional. Like fraxel is from fraxenated laser. The fractionated laser is where it just does little pin dots, or in a line pin dots, but it’s not doing all the tissue. Because if you did all the tissue, it would be too much. You’ve got to start and then you got to go over. It’s like mowing the lawn where you cross hatch the lawn. Where you’re doing it one direction than going the other direction. What you’re doing is, you’re doing little tiny deep laser or deep RF micro damage. That heals, do it again. That heals, do it again. That heals. Pretty soon you’ve grown a bunch of tissue. Add in some L. reuteri and some collagen, and it probably helps, right? I mean, all the stuff that we are doing to bring back blood flow and plump tissue is what we need, because anytime a woman says I struggle to orgasm, I say, try this one. This is like my one magic trick for having better orgasms or achieving orgasm, is what is called engorgement. Which is, plumping the tissue with blood.
Wendy Myers: Just like Viagra works on a guy to pump the blood into his penis so he gets an erection, we women have exactly the same amount of erectile tissue up inside our vulva. We actually have more because we have our G area. It’s not a spot. We have our perineal sponge. We have all the vaginal tissue. We have the vestibular bulbs, the crura of the clitoris, the shaft of the clitoris. All that’s erectile tissue. And it all needs blood flow. So if it’s collapsing with age, collapsing from lack of estrogen, it’s not getting the blood flow in it. Combining things like vaginal restoration and O-Shots. Have you heard of the orgasm shot?
Wendy Myers: I was going to ask you about that. Because it’s another thing I wanted to explore. Because I heard Dave Asprey and his wife, she got the O-Shot and he got the P-Shot. They were like, they had toe curling orgasms. Because they rejuvenated that area with stem cells.
Wendy Myers: Yes. So, P-Shots and O-Shots are… Let me come back to that because I want to finish off with engorgement. So, genital massages. The best turn on, the best way to get more desire for your partner is to have him or her give you a sensual genital massage before lovemaking. Even having a massage on a weeknight where you’re just lying in bed watching a show together, and he’s watching the show and rubbing your yoni while you’re just relaxing and enjoying it. You got to get the blood flow going. You need the blood flow. If he’s having any erectile difficulty, you probably are too because you have the same tissue and you’re eating the same foods and you live the same lifestyle. So, for men, get a GAINSWave. The GAINSWave with the P-Shot, and the penis pump. I’ll tell you all about that and we’ll circle back. Let’s go to the female.
Wendy Myers: You get the RF with the CO2. I think I’d go RF. I’m going into get some of those treatments just to get the experience. But from people telling me and what I’ve read, I think the RF is the state of the art. But CO2, if that’s what you have in your town, it’s all good. You’re going to go in three, five, seven times, negotiate a deal, they’ve got the machine sitting there, work your angles. Right? Get your package. “If I buy four and it doesn’t work, will you give me one for free?” Whatever you need to do. Everything is a negotiation. Whether they like to think it is or not.
Wendy Myers: Then O-Shot or orgasm shot, which is the same as the P-Shot or Priapus Shot for men, that’s actually PRP, platelet rich plasma. It comes from your own blood, they put it in a centrifuge, they pull off the white and red blood cells, they take the fibrin rich matrix, this golden yellow broth. They inject it into your clitoral structure. Now, what’s interesting about your clitoris is, it’s sponge. It sucks it all up. They’ll also inject it into your G area, it sucks it all up. And then within four to six months, because that’s what it takes for your body to truly bring all of the healing factors, the cytokines which draw stem cells out of your body into the area, repairing that tissue with your body’s own healing capabilities. So you do the subcutaneous damage to the vaginal mucosa with the RF, or with the CO2 laser. You get the O-Shot in your clitoral area. That brings PRP into there and helps repair the clitoral area.
Wendy Myers: And then if you have a saggy vulva. If you look at yourself in the mirror, and you’re noticing that the outer labia are sagging down a little and they’re starting to look like your husband’s balls, super sorry. It’s so funny, but it is what it is. Right? You can actually also have a purely cosmetic procedure where you use an RF device to pull up that tissue back up and then you get a 30 year old yoni again, and it looks amazeballs. And it has heightened sensation. Your clitoris has heightened sensation. Your vagina has heightened sensation. Because, what did you do? You just grew a bunch of new tissue. That new tissue is brand baby new, and it feels good to get touched now, right?
Wendy Myers: Yeah, that’s definitely on the menu for me at some point, for sure.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. You got to budget for it. It’s that or a vacation literally. I mean, it costs thousands of dollars. But why not have a stay vacation after you get your work done and have really hot sex at home now?
Wendy Myers: Yeah. And it’s just sad when we see men who are, they’re horny until they’re 90 years old. Whether their penis works or not, they’re still horny. Or they still feel like they want to go through those emotions, and women we don’t have that same desire. So I’m all for doing everything possible to do the vaginal rejuvenation so that you feel good again.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. A lot of women, this is so interesting. So I talk to thousands of people. Because I give people sex advice for free constantly. This is what I do because it’s a benefit to me because I learn what the issues are and things like that. Women always think the problems in their sex life are their fault. “Oh, I wish I wanted it more.” Right? And guys always think the problem in their sex life is her fault. So they both think it’s her. It’s not her. It’s just that, what we talked about when we started. He just doesn’t understand how to turn around. She doesn’t understand that she doesn’t start out turned on. She’s has to make herself do it. That’s why I like scheduled playdates.
Wendy Myers: And the second thing is, I want to talk about healthy sex toys and healthy Lou because if she gets a really, really, really good pleasure toy, and she masturbates three, four, five times a week, she’ll actually increase her lubrication, increase her arousal, increase her desire, and ultimately have more sex. So a lot of women I think, I know, I feel this way where, “Oh, I shouldn’t masturbate because if I was horny, I should just have sex with my husband. I shouldn’t waste it on a vibrator.”
Wendy Myers: Yeah. Or you feel like you’re going to deplete yourself and you may not want him the next day or what have you.
Wendy Myers: It’s the opposite. The more you masturbate, the more you desire. So if you masturbate, and you also schedule erotic playdates where you learn new things, new sex things together. Like maybe female ejaculation, or how to have an expanded orgasm, or oral pleasuring techniques, or sensual massage, or you want to do some role play, or you want to have a sex decision in a crazy place. I mean, I have this really fun sex position, it’s called come full circle. Where you actually, you start in missionary position, but then you end up twirling around your partner in a double 360 degree sex position. And it’s just a funny thing to try on a Thursday night where… It’s just something to keep it spicy. I’ll give you the link to it so that everyone can download it. I had it illustrated professionally. And it’s just a gift I give away.
Wendy Myers: It’s just fun because it gives you something to try together where you’re like, “Well, we’ll probably never do that again but it was super fun.” And you’ll be like, “Okay, now wait. Okay, wait a minute, your legs goes here and… wait. No. Wait. Wait. No, no, I think I put my arm here.” And you’re doing that whole thing while he’s staying inside you, and it is just a hoot. So, learning new things together and masturbating, are the combination of things that get you as a woman to step up to your commitment to make your man happy and to have good sex in your relationship. You have to make yourself do things. But then you know how it is. Once you’ve done it, you’re like, “Oh my God.” Right? “I love this. Why is it so hard for me to get this started because I really had a great time?” It always happens.
Wendy Myers: So, healthy sex toys, I want to tell you about the fact that you should not buy any sex toys on Amazon unless they’re from a really, really well-known brand and there’s only a few that I even recommend. Most stuff is Chinese junk full of phthalates and plasticizers that will literally melt the skin of your vagina out. I mean, I literally tried. Once I tried this… I have a lot of guys that follow me that they wish their penises were bigger, and that’s why I’m a big proponent of penis pumps, vacuum erection devices. There’s a brand I recommend called the Whopper. I recommend those because guys think, “Oh, that’s not going to work, blah, blah.” But when you’re getting shrinkage as you age, pumping up your penis every other day, it’s like working out your bicep. It’s the same thing. It really works.
Wendy Myers: And so for a woman, she needs to have… So I have a lot of guys who have tiny penises, and I was trying this sheet that you pull over your penis that has an extender on it with a vibrator on the end and I was like, “Oh, that looks good. That looks interesting. Let me try that.” I make my husband do all kinds of crazy stuff constantly. Sir Tim. And Sir Tim is up for anything. That’s what his epitaph will be on his gravestone. Up for anything. I love this man. He’s like my research partner. And I put this thing on his penis. It was like on the tip of that poor guy’s penis. And then I made love to him and it literally shredded my vagina because it had that stretchy stuff. This was before I knew that sex toys need to be silicone, glass, medical grade stainless steel. That’s what your sex toys should be made out of. And if they are not, do not buy them. If they smell funny, throw them out immediately.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, they smell like toxic chemicals. That’s because they are.
Wendy Myers: Yes. And lubes. If you bought anything from CVS, Target, Walgreens, what have you, throw it out immediately and get yourself, go into your cupboard and get out your coconut oil and use that. Or Primal Kitchen make a great avocado oil. And also on Amazon I buy organic avocado oil literally by the gallon with a little pumper. It works great. I just want to rub on my body. That’s what I rub… And I rub it on my yoni every morning. And I rub Kathy’s Healing Lotion on too. I mean, I take care of all the skin.
Wendy Myers: Yeah, that is such a good tip. Because so many women are putting water-based toxins inside them, or silicone-based gels. They’re putting liquid silicone inside them that’s just sitting there. You can just use salad dressing oil. Or you can use olive oil, or coconut oil. That’s such a good tip.
Wendy Myers: Yeah. Well, salad dressing, I don’t like vegetable oils. They’re not very healthy. And olive oil stains. But the organic avocado oil that is on Amazon is almost clear. And then I also like distilled coconut or fractionated coconut oil. Because then it’s not hard. It’s really smooth and has a nice glide. And what’s great is you can put it on, you can wipe it off and it doesn’t stain the sheets and it’s good for you. I always say if you wouldn’t put it in here, you shouldn’t put it in there. You wouldn’t put in your mouth, don’t put it in your yoni. Because that’s all the same tissue.
Wendy Myers: The vaginal mucosa is a sponge. It is made to suck your husband’s semen into your body. Your husband’s semen has testosterone which you desperately need. Especially if you’re anxious. It has serotonin which makes you happy. It has luteinizing hormones that regulate your cycle. We all have cycles even after we stop menstruating. It has so many good things in it for us. Zinc for brain fog. We need his semen. And his saliva has testosterone. So kiss your husband. Do French kissing with them. It’s got extra bonuses for you.
Wendy Myers: I know. There’s this research study that actually showed kissing your partner lowers your cortisol levels. I mean, not that we need the study to show us that but it’s shown in the research. We have less stress when we’re around our partner. We can’t say that for everybody. But yeah, the bell curve.
Wendy Myers: Yes.
Wendy Myers: And sex begets more sex. Like the more you’re thinking about sex or fantasizing or thinking about how you can improve it or whatnot, you’ll have more sex. You’ll manifest that.
Wendy Myers: My favorite vibrator company right now is Fun Factory. Because they have super… they’re like the Porsche of vibrators. And they have way more than vibrators. They’ve got all kinds of toys. I actually went to Europe this summer and I went to visit them in Germany. And I went to the factory and I shot a bunch of videos. We talked about all their toys. They took me into their warehouse. They took me into their production facility. I made some toys. They use high quality silicone. A lot of women as they age, they write to me and they say, “My sex is painful and I feel like my vagina is so dry. And I feel like it’s almost like closing shut.” Or they’ll write to me, “I’ve been divorced and I’m just starting to date again and I feel like it’s gone. Like my vagina is completely closed.” And I recommend a toy called the Lady Bi, B-I because it has two motors.
Wendy Myers: It has a very small protrusion that doesn’t have to go in very far. And it has a very wide flat pad that goes against the clitoral structure. Because the tip of your clitoris of course it’s just a tiny part of your clitoris. You’ve got your little crura legs that drape down over the opening to the vagina. As well as the shaft, as well as the vestibular bulbs on each side of the opening to your vagina. And so, what I like about this toy is you can rub it all over your mons and vestibular bulbs. Basically on the fur around the opening to your vulva and really get blood flow into that tissue.
Wendy Myers: And then you can put the tip of it on your clitoral structure. You can rub between the labia majora and the labia minora. In the seam the kind of shiny skin seam. You can rub on the clitoral hood and let the vibrator touch on the clitoral hood. And then you can rest it to the entrance to your vagina, which is the introital sphincter without putting it in. So that you can feel pleasure there. You can run it up and down the seam of your vulva, the center part without putting it in.
Wendy Myers: And then slowly you can over time with lots of good coconut or avocado oil, you can move that little piece inside your vaginal area. And what’s nice is it’s not long but it’s fat. And it starts out thinner and then it gets fat. So once you’ve worked it inside, it’s actually vibrating the G area on the roof of your vaginal cave. The top of your vagina up towards your abdomen, while that flat pad is giving vibrations in a separate motor to the whole clitoral area. That helps a woman who feels like they’re a little shut down and they need to be re-opened again. But it’s also just really nice for women who are trying to do more G area stimulation. Which is also a very relieving and healing and nurturing feeling. So, that’s very nice for re-sensitizing and re-enlivening your vaginal tissue both internally as well as your vulva tissue externally. And it’s 100% safe. Which is wonderful. Lady Bi by Fun Factory.
Wendy Myers: Awesome. Yeah. Because if you don’t use it, you’re going to lose it. So we’ve got to keep all this stuff active and the blood flow and all that stuff. So, yeah, this is great. I think this is such an important conversation to have. I think a lot of women they get shy or they get embarrassed about talking about this stuff, especially with their partner. Their partners’ not open. And sometimes if they don’t want to talk then you just have to take it upon yourself to engage as fully as you can in your relationship from your end and doing everything you can to show up and get yourself excited. You know your husband’s going to be here. What have you? Whatever that looks like. So you have a free gift for our listeners. Can you tell us about that?
Wendy Myers: Well, I have come full circle for you, which is that fun little sex position you can try on a Thursday night. It will delight your husband. And it doesn’t really take much gymnastics of any kind. I’m going to give you that. And then I want to give you something called the sexual soulmate pact. Because as you just said, it is difficult for people to talk to each other about what’s going on behind closed doors. And what we need to remember is that we are homo sapiens. And if you look at the animal, the phylogenetic tree, the kingdom of the animals, we are on the monkey branch. We’re monkeys, you guys. We’re primates. We’re not above animals. We are animals. As a matter of fact, I’d like to think the whales and the dolphins and many of the animals of this world, probably most of them are smarter than some of us, all right?
Wendy Myers: So because we’re animals and we’re ruled by our hormones and our blood sugar levels and how much toxins we have in our body and all of these things, we have to remember that, especially as women, we want different things on different days. So when yesterday something soft felt good today, we need it harder. Today we’re a pussycat. Tomorrow, we’re a tiger. We are going to change all the time, which is confounding to our male body partners because they’re much more steady state than we are because of that dear testosterone that they have. And so we’re worried about hurting our partner’s ego when we give them feedback. Or in the past, we’ve given them feedback and they’ve said, “Well, I know what I am doing. You don’t need to tell me.” And they’ve shut us down. That’s just again, it’s their testosterone talking. They think they know what they’re doing.
Wendy Myers: I can promise you, that 99% of men in the world want to give their women incredible pleasure. They live for that. So we have to help them be able to take in the feedback so that they do the good job so that we can thank them. So that they get the respect that they crave. That’s what testosterone wants is to do a good job to be respected. So the sexual soulmate pact the concept of it is, okay, we’re going to have an agreement that we’re just animals, that we’re different every day. And I’m just going to tell you whatever I need, but what I need from you is for you to appreciate that and thank me for it. Not to contract or to feel badly about it. Because there’s no failure. It’s just feedback. Because I am not in control of the body that I live in. I wish I were. I wish I could tell her exactly what to do and how to behave. But she doesn’t behave. She’s my yoni. She’s my body. She’s got a mind of her own.
Wendy Myers: So how about if we gang together, and we are on the same team. Tim and I call ourselves team sweetie, that’s our name. You can use it or make one of your own up. So team sweetie is in control of listening to our animal bodies and asking for what we need in the moment and thanking each other for it. Here’s the interesting little trick. Sexuality is a conjoined trance. It’s a trance state like meditation. Orgasm and meditation are the same trance state.
Wendy Myers: If you are trying to meditate and relax, being in your good girl brain state, please and thank you takes you out of your meditative trance state. So, if you can just blurt out what you need because your partner’s not going to take it personally, how could they know you’re different every day? That’s estrogen. And instead they just go, “Okay, baby. Got it? How’s this? Any better? Oh, yeah, babe. Is this hard enough? Is this soft enough? How does this feel?” And if they just keep asking you and saying, “Thank you, tell me more. Tell me more” If they get hungry for your feedback. And then you can just say whatever you need, and you know his feelings aren’t going to get hurt. How could he know?
Wendy Myers: Once he understands that he’s not doing anything wrong, and that he needs to reassure you constantly because estrogen is anxious about things. “Got it baby. You’re doing great. Tell me some more. How’s it now.” If he’s just starting to do that? Oh, my God, you love that. You need him to be that guy in the bedroom. Many women say, “I wish my husband would take control in the bedroom. He’s not man enough for me. I don’t know I had this boyfriend once. I wish he was like that guy.” But you don’t marry that guy. That’s the guy you had the great orgasms with. So you got to teach the guy you married how to be that guy. And one of the ways is to teach him to say, “Okay, baby, how about this? And then you’re like, “Oh, now that guy I like.” Right?
Wendy Myers: So that’s the sexual soulmate pact. Because I believe that soulmates, especially sexual soulmates are co-created. Not divined, or ordained. It’s not that guy you had the chemistry with. It’s the guy you married. And you can become sexual soulmates together with the very foundation of it being the sexual soulmate pact. So I will give that to you for free.
Wendy Myers: Awesome. That sounds great. So, where do we get that?
Wendy Myers: You get it at sexualsoulmatepact, P-A-C-T, like an agreement .com. sexualsoulmatepact.
Wendy Myers: Awesome. And what are your other websites where we can learn a bit more about you and work with you and just find out what you’re all about?
Wendy Myers: My funny, funny, funny best thing is on YouTube. If you go to betterlover.com, it takes you to my YouTube channel where I get dressed up in ridiculous outfits and teach all kinds of sex techniques. And then you can follow me on Instagram at Susan Bratton, S-U-S-A-N B-R-A-T-T-O-N. Like the brat that waited ton. Susan Bratton.
Wendy Myers: So you have a new Sexual Vitality Summit coming on. Tell us about that.
Wendy Myers: I do. I am so excited. I’ve put together 28 of my dream team, of functional medicine doctors and sexologists to fix all of the things that hold people back from having the intimacy that they want. Both the physical and emotional issues that kind of hold us back. Where people stop talking. And then they go for years without sex. People just don’t know that there are so many solutions out there to their problems. They’re just not aware of them. And that’s what the summit is all about.
Wendy Myers: I love that because I think it’s such a subject that people can be reticent to really address in their relationship, or they just kind of let things go. It’s just something that really needs to be addressed, it needs to be talked about. Brought into the open and dealt with. And I think this is a great way to do that. Register for this totally free summit and learn something that could really change your relationship and your happiness level.
Wendy Myers: Thank you so much for being wide open to the possibility of having this conversation. I think women need to hear it. People need to hear it. And thank you for creating not only a platform for me to share my info, but also just an amazing show that I can’t get enough of.
Wendy Myers: Oh, thank you. Thanks so much. I really appreciate that. And everyone, thanks so much for tuning in every week. I’m so blessed to just teach you guys every week. I have these amazing guests on to try to widen the depth and breadth of your knowledge so you can show up better in your life and in your health. So thanks for tuning in, and I will talk to you guys next week.
